today's glossary theme: words I only know because I spend all day obsessively refreshing Gawker et al., and which lead to confusion when I use them in conversation with friends who have, you know, lives.

biotech, (bye-oh-TEK) n. alternate spelling of "beeyotch" or "biotch" or "b-yotch" or whatever, pronounced in conversation as "bio-tek," aka a shortened version of something I'm guessing they teach at Apex Technical.
Source: overheard in ny.

federletus, (fed-er-LEE-tus) n. 1. the reason Britney got fat. 2. the embryo that will eventually grow into the stupidest yet most oddly attractive (in a rodent-skank kind of way) and richest trailer-baby ever. odds are good it will be named London. which, yes, is better than Cheeto, but it makes me think of those allegedly hot twin brothers, one of whom was apparently on Seventh Heaven or something.
Seventh Heaven --> Ashlee Simpson --> blonde lip-syncher of slutpop, examples of which are totally at the top of my itunes most-played list, even though i pretend to be all hipster and really into The Hold Steady or whoever --> Britney --> federletus.
it makes sense in my head.
Sources: gawker, trent, perez, pretty much fucking everywhere.

humpy, adj. some attribute possessed by Ted Casablanca. unclear whether this is a positive thing ("he is so humpy. i want to hump him") or a negative ("he is so humpy. he tries to hump everything." alternately: "he is so humpy. like a humpback whale.").
Source: defamer.

lilo, (LIE-low) n. LIndsay LOhan. not that borderline offensive, borderline autistic disney character. please. why would i IM you about a disney character reportedly making out with Bruce Willis? actually, that would be sort of awesome. i would totally IM you about that.
Source: perez

lovesit, (LUVZ-it) ejac. (not that kind, sicko) contraction of loves+it, as in "I loves it!" It's not an invitation for you, towards whom I feel affection, to plop down on the sofa.
Source: trent.

Maer Roshan, (somethingsomething ROSH-in) n. editor-in-chief of Radar. not even i get it. i mean, i get the magazine. it's neato. i just don't get the obsession. also: how the heck do you pronounce "maer"? is it like the lady horse, or like ex-jennifer-love-hewitt boyf john?
Source: gawker. why?

manorexia, (man-or-EX-ee-ya) n. contraction of man+anorexia. what Ethan Hawke has. also probably Carson Daly, but no one actually cares about him anymore.
Source: the ether? gawker stalker?

manpris, (man-PREEz) n. contraction of man+capris. calf-skimming pants worn by men. in particular, k-fed, who also inexplicably pairs them with white athletic socks and flipflops. why has no one investigated whether or not he buys those special japanese socks which are designed for flipflops, or just goes for the old reliable big-toe scrunch? i smell the greatest dissertation defense ever.
Source: the fug girls

skeletwins, (skell-uh-TWINz) n. lindsay lohan + nicole ritchie. fuck you, rachel zoe. fuck you, internet, for enabling me know who rachel zoe even is.
Source: trent.

more to come, no doubt. Next Tuesday.

1 comment:

Salam E. Skinner said...

OK dear, first we're going to starve you to the brink of death. Trust me, it'll be cool. Everyone's doing it. Then...

And just when she's starring in a respectable movie like "A Prairie Home Companion" too.

For the record, LILO actually stands for Linux Loader, the bootloader slowly being replaced by GRUB - the Grand Unified Bootloader.