9.19.2005

Dear Peter Pan Bus Lines

Hey Peter Pan Bus Lines!

You know what was awesome? I was riding one of your buses on Friday when all of a sudden I was distracted from the bootleg episode of Scrubs I was watching on my laptop - it was Episode 104, "My Old Lady," which is totally one of the best because the lady who plays Mrs. Landingham is in it - don't you love Mrs. Landingham? I mean how can you not? Anyway, I was distracted because for some reason the bus was pulled over by the side of the highway, and generally speaking that doesn't fit into the sort of thing I find normal when I'm taking the bus somewhere. Especially because there were some state trooper cars with flashing lights, and when I looked out the window I noticed that our driver was being breathalyzed and given that follow-my-finger sobriety test. I was like OMG. Seriously. Oh. Emm. Effing. Gee.

That was pretty cool, Peter Pan Bus Lines (do you let people call you Pete? Do you hate me for asking?), but it was not nearly as cool as what happened next. What happened next was that a state trooper wearing a hat and reflective sunglasses - at night! So badass! - got onto the bus and stood up at the front and said "okay, who called the cops?"

Ha ha ha, Peter Pan Bus Lines! Our driver was driving so badly that someone on the bus called the police to report him! It's so Agatha Christie - the call was placed... from inside the manor! And then it turned out that while our driver was not drunk, he was in possession of significant logbook violations, and was not in a fit state to drive, and the besunglassed state trooper decomissioned him! And then we got to wait for an hour for a new bus driver, who when he showed up was groggy from having been woken up in the middle of the night - all because you, Peter Pan Bus Lines, in your infinite wisdom, do not see fit to have backup drivers waiting just in case your logbook-inadequate drivers are caught in their schemes! Oh you are wily. I wish I were a Bus Line, and I could be as wily as you.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi, and see what's up with you. When this horrible bus experience happened I totally thought of you because, you know, I was totally on one of you buses, so I had to drop you a line. I mean, it was like fate or something. I hope everything by you is awesome. Me, I'm taking the train from now on.

Love,
Helen

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

The train is absolutely better than the bus. In all ways. Except, y'know, price. But it's usually close there at least.

Ready Steady Go has been really funny of late. I'm glad you're back.

-Storey

L said...

I hope you submitted this to McS's. It's an excellent open letter.