i'm a lyrical gangsta

Avid watchers-of-Helen will know that I am obsessed - obsessed - with the song "Nasty Girl" by Nitty. This is a song that takes the tune to "Sugar Sugar" by The Archies and turns it into a hip hop/motown/pop fusion the likes of which are rarely seen outside of musical valhalla. It is also notable for containing, in my opinion, the best lyrical moment ever in the history of music, to wit:

Last time we sexed, I had her crawlin' like a alligator
It's an artistically unoverestimable line, not only for its terrific use of "sex" as a verb, and for its use of the indefinite article "a" before a word beginning with a vowel, but also and perhaps most importantly for the inscrutable nature of "crawlin' like a alligator" as a presumably desirable effect of particularly good "sexing." Much time and energy on my part (and to the annoyance of others) has been spent explicating this line, and I was pretty sure that the case was closed on the issue of Greatest Lyrics Ever.

Until. Until I was browsing around H&M and was distracted from the gold lame asymmetrical vests and the Mary-Kate-esque knee-length open-weave sweaters by the following coming from the store's loudspeakers:
you're so Anne Frank
Let's hit the attic to hide out for 'bout two weeks
Let's discuss: the singer (Andre 3000, the song is "So Fresh So Clean" by Outkast) is telling this girl that she reminds him of Anne Frank and he would like to hide in an attic with her for two weeks. Baby, you're so sexy that you remind me of The World's Most Famous Holocaust Victim and - mm mm mm - let's go pretend the Nazis are after us and have lots and lots and lots of sex in the meantime. Is this even a compliment? It's not really a question of being offended or not being offended, it's a question of this makes no sense.

The real question, though, is whether Andre 3000 can make Anne Frank crawl like an alligator. I imagine folks would pay to see that.


Kat said...

This is truly one of your better blog posts. I love your careful blend of the offensive, the humorous, and the absurd. Mmm. Tastes like Helen.

Joe said...

The only thing that could make this post better is a superfluous Robot Chicken reference to "The Diary of Anne Frank: The Movie" starring Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray.

I mean, what else could a girl want? And what else could a guy want besides sexin' the Duff like an alligator?

LJD said...

If Andre 3000 did succeed in such an endeavour, he would do well to heed the advice of laconic Norwegian singer St. Thomas, to wit:

when you wake up in the morning
in an unknown bed with an unknown girl
You can bite her in the ear

Sophie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sophie said...

Hmmm.... wild temporary-motor-skill-damaging sex in an attic would be even better with Nazis hot on your trail. Thanks so much, Helen. It's lovely having a scapegoat for my corruption.

darlene said...

Okay I am quite literally crying in my cube (granted it's from laughing, but it's still pretty lame).

Matt Carman said...

That's nothing compared to the last few lines, in which he describes Marie Calendar's dictatorial vice grip around his stomach and nuts as "tryin' to castrote me with she pol pot pie, stoppin' and stalin' on zedong til my balls the color of sky."

Love Kpop said...

I like to get up early to go out and breathe fresh air. I feel that it is good for health and a good habit