Avid watchers-of-Helen will know that I am obsessed - obsessed - with the song "Nasty Girl" by Nitty. This is a song that takes the tune to "Sugar Sugar" by The Archies and turns it into a hip hop/motown/pop fusion the likes of which are rarely seen outside of musical valhalla. It is also notable for containing, in my opinion, the best lyrical moment ever in the history of music, to wit:
Last time we sexed, I had her crawlin' like a alligatorIt's an artistically unoverestimable line, not only for its terrific use of "sex" as a verb, and for its use of the indefinite article "a" before a word beginning with a vowel, but also and perhaps most importantly for the inscrutable nature of "crawlin' like a alligator" as a presumably desirable effect of particularly good "sexing." Much time and energy on my part (and to the annoyance of others) has been spent explicating this line, and I was pretty sure that the case was closed on the issue of Greatest Lyrics Ever.
Until. Until I was browsing around H&M and was distracted from the gold lame asymmetrical vests and the Mary-Kate-esque knee-length open-weave sweaters by the following coming from the store's loudspeakers:
you're so Anne FrankLet's discuss: the singer (Andre 3000, the song is "So Fresh So Clean" by Outkast) is telling this girl that she reminds him of Anne Frank and he would like to hide in an attic with her for two weeks. Baby, you're so sexy that you remind me of The World's Most Famous Holocaust Victim and - mm mm mm - let's go pretend the Nazis are after us and have lots and lots and lots of sex in the meantime. Is this even a compliment? It's not really a question of being offended or not being offended, it's a question of this makes no sense.
Let's hit the attic to hide out for 'bout two weeks
The real question, though, is whether Andre 3000 can make Anne Frank crawl like an alligator. I imagine folks would pay to see that.