1.12.2006

a million little pieces of AWESOME

Today's New York Times kicks ass. I mean yay, you have the hard-hitting series on how diabetes is going to kill all of us silent killer blah blah blah, and apparently there is some sort of war somewhere, but holy crap is it ever bringing its A Game when it comes to funny articles. Clearly the New York Times reads tuesday glossaries, and is a quick learner.

For starters we have the obligatory parody of the whole glut (can two count as a glut? I decree it can, on grounds of: 'glut' is a fantastic word that should be used more often) of authorial hoaxes going on right now, but it is a particularly scathing and funny parody, containing gems such as

I am not, in fact, black.

Nor am I, to the best of my knowledge, a woman. Anything in my book that suggests otherwise is the result of a typographical error. That this error was compounded by my decision to pose for my author photo and bookstore appearances in drag and blackface is, I will acknowledge, unfortunate.
Hee, jokes about race and gender are universally acknowledged to be hilarious at all times. Speaking of hilarious, my absolute least-favorite aspect of the Times - the "fitness" subsection of Thursday Styles, which is usually about thin and in-shape people perfecting their pilates form - today contains an article which is definitely in my top five NYTimes articles of all time , which is, astonishingly, about Bowflex. Except in a really great way, which is funny and self-deprecating in a way that makes me partially want to be the author and partially want to date the author. For example:
"What are you up to tonight?" Jack asks one afternoon at the diner, where we are mulling over Villanova's prospects in the forthcoming college basketball season, the heavy toll globalization exacts on the poor and who is a better dancer, Christina Aguilera or Shakira.

"Not much," I say. "I'm just going to grab a salad, maybe watch a little TV, then do some bowflexin." I drop the g because I think it makes me sound more muscular.
And as if that weren't enough, today's crossword* puzzle (which I would like to note for the sake of shameless bragging I do in pen) contains my absolute favorite crossword puzzle gimmick ever, which I will not reveal so as not to spoil the surprise for the undoubted legions of you who also do the puzzle every day.

In summary,
Today's New York Times: totally worth a dollar.

*In fact I think I will take my cue from Steve Friedman, author of the Article of Bowflex Awesomeness, and start spelling it "XWord" in order to appear more badass.

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