Inappropriate Valentine's Day Gifts

  1. A box of Godiva Chocolates, with a card reading "So there's more of you to love"
  2. An appointment with a sex therapist
  3. At-home waxing kit
  4. "101 Tips for Yiffing"
  5. The book of Mormon
  6. Membership to a swingers club
  7. Codependency self-help books
  8. Bacon
  9. Coupon book good for one (1) gangbang
  10. A coat hanger
  11. A restraining order
  12. Flannel pajamas embroidered with the nickname "honey twat"
  13. Herpes
  14. A blow-up doll, with a note saying "thinking of you"
  15. Chia vagina
  16. A human heart
  17. A mattress with a hole in it
  18. NAMBLA membership
  19. your credit report
  20. Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul
  21. A push-up bra
  22. RAID anti-lice shampoo

With thanks to WK and JGal

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ljd said...

Morrissey box set

James said...

ultra extra strength

James said...

Oh, and can I just say that if a girl gave me a chia vagina for Valentine's day, I would love her forever.


helen said...

How could I forget - pretty much anything by The Misfits, especially "Die Die My Darling" and/or "Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight" and especially and/or "Last Caress."

Unless you're in a very, um, special relationship.

Joe said...

I have a cousin who manages The Misfits. He might be able to hook you up with that...