in the spirit of, why not, March indulgence, i bought a new face-care-thingy-product last week. it is a "calming+soothing elixir" made by stella mccartney (known for, in descending order of prominence: 1. being paul mccartney's daughter; 2. being a fashion designer; 3. being a vegetarian. all of which obviously make her eminently qualified to make stuff that i put on my face). the calming+soothing (no spaces!) part sounded really exciting considering that i have the sort of skin that gets blotchy and neon red if i so much as exhale with force. and i am totally intrigued by the notion of an "elixir," since that makes me feel very magical warlock, which is kind of a novel way to feel about one's skincare regimen.

my calming+soothing elixir (!!! god what a great name, i cannot get over it) does its calming+soothing presumably because of its exciting botanical ingredients, which are: chamomile, arnica (wtf), and liquorice (spelled with the Q. the q is very important). it also, again presumably due to these botanicals, smells like my grandmother. and this smell is apparently intentional, since the elixir (!!!) comes with instructions, which really raise the bar on cult-of-beauty-product inanity:

Warm the product between your hands, then bend your head forward and place the palms of your hands in front of your face, your fingertips resting above your eyebrows. Close your eyes and breathe the fragrance in deeply for a few seconds. The olfactory power of the essential oils will have a stimulating effect on your mind, while your eyes rest sheltered from the light. Finally, apply the product to your face.
i would like to note that this elixir has claimed that it will stimulate my mind. it has also clarified for me that holding my hands in front of my eyes will keep light out. which, holy crap, i did not know prior to reading the instructions for my face elixir, so it has already lived up to its mind-stimulating promise! A+.

also we are going to refrain from noting that my new cleansing+soothing elixir cost, with tax, just barely on the lesser side of a hundred bucks, which i acknowledge is fucking absurd. ok? ok.


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bots! said...

warlocks generally depict male witches.

i hope this facial stuff isn't making you feel like a man.

helen said...

warlock just sounds a little more badass than witch. that's all.

Marcin said...