3.29.2007

oh no bono

are there still people in the world who do not think U2 talking head Bono is a giant joke?

as if his idiotic handling of his ubercharity, Red (which raised a whopping $18 million, despite spending only $100 million on advertising!) were not enough, he of the perma-sunglasses (another indicator of douchiness: oh goodness me, the world is not to your color preference! please do wear blue or red or orange lenses at all times! no one will hate you for it!) has now been made an honorary knight of the british empire.

honorary, of course, not actual. this is, unfortunately, because he is not a british citizen, and not (as would please me) because he is perhaps the world's preeminent douchehead.

however, his douchehead preeminence is solidified by the extraordinarily scumtastic picture of him holding his knighthood (no that is not a dirty joke) that accompanies the new york times article about him, in which he is shown displaying his assholic arrogance at its best angle:


let us enumerate:
1. he is hiding behind the knighthood, as if to display humility: "this honor is more important than i am!"

2. he is holding his hands in the V-For-Victory-No-Wait-I-Mean-Peace gesture that is employed by precisely two categories of human: celebutards (lindsay lohan and gisele bundchen do this a lot), and jersey guidos who have that creepy sea-urchin spiky hairstyle.

3. HE IS WEARING THE FREAKING GLASSES, WHICH I SUPPOSE IF HE DIDN'T TAKE OFF FOR THE POPE HE WON'T TAKE OFF FOR THE QUEEN EITHER. I'm sorry your holiness and your majesty, but your clothing is just SO MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE when i view it through my own personal color filter. ps. my world is more beautiful than yours.

4. besides the glasses, there are twothree demonstrated incidences of man-jewelry: an excessively thick earring; something that is, technically, a pinky-ring; and a gold-and-ruby wedding ring that makes me think his marriage ceremony felt a whole lot like a renfair.

5. he is wearing his cuffs up over his hands. perhaps he is emo.

update: 6. he totally looks like robin williams.

3 comments:

James said...

I think Steve Jobs more or less agrees with you. See also
(and this).

ploop said...

I couldn't agree more. There's something painfully earnest about 'putting something back'.

He just comes acress as a tos5er. And don't get me started on his absurd sunglasses

Drew said...

You just summed up my decade of unexpressed Bono hate in one gorgeous post.