shake it shake it shake it

i am the sort of girl who likes a burger. and i am prepared to have strong opinions about what goes into that burger, whether it's the fattiness of the meat (none of this "lean" bullshit) or the composition of the toppings (cheese OR mayo but NOT both; ditto tomato and ketchup; onions must either be red or fried) or the nature of the bun (brioche over white bread, english muffin over all).

the winner in my burger book, in blatant violation of my english muffin love, is Shake Shack, which is not a very iconoclastic position for me to hold. everyone thinks shake shack is the best. the new york times. new york magazine. every single one of my friends, ex-boyfriends*, coworkers, and family members who i have dragged to 23rd between broadway and madison. the shackburger - brisket and sirloin, cheese, onions, tomato, some sort of phenomenal ketchup-mustard-mayo**-spices combination known as shack sauce and which is pretty much gastronomic heaven. on this bun that is perfect. and the burger is the perfect size: small enough that when you finish it you think to yourself "maybe i will get back in line and get another one!" but big enough that when you look at the line, and realize that it is - no joke - a two-hour wait, you are full enough to continue about your day without falling into a starvation coma.

shake shack is closed during the winter, but it reopens in five days. actually according to their website, it is in 4 days, 19 hours, 52 minutes, and 13 seconds.

my friend Keith has been assigned to take photographs of the prepping-for-imminent-awesomeness Shake Shack team by eater, and his photos are awesome. but that is not the point.

the point is: they let him have a burger. 4 days, 19 hours, 52 minutes, and 13 seconds before opening. Keith got a shake shack burger.

i'm not sure what to do here except distract myself from my burning jealousy by focusing all my attention on keeping the pavlovian salivation from hitting my keyboard, thus shorting it out, thus requiring its replacement, thus cutting into funds that otherwise could be rerouted towards shackburgers.

*the current boyfriend has not been the current boyfriend long enough for us to have gone to shake shack together. this will change in 4 days, 19 hours, 13 minutes, etc.

**you are allowed to have cheese AND mayo if the mayo takes a non-basic form, such as russian dressing or remoulade or anything indicated as "special sauce."


Marcin said...

Just make it at home.

Kat said...

am coming to visit you for the express purpose of eating a shake shack burger. possibly in 5 days.

Little Bill said...

Did you read about this?

Keith said...

See Helen, if you really want one, what you should do is wait for the 11 Madison Park or Tabla employee showing up at shake shack to pick up the burgers and then attack or seduce said burgers from them.

BTW I still disagree with you on the pickles and ketchup thing and now I'll have to add your no cheese and mayo rule to the disagreement list :)

Naugler said...

And if you're really lucky, you might also see Toby McGuire.

Leila said...

Umm, have I mentioned that I work less than a block away from said Shack? On Thursday, one of my coworkers spread a malicious rumor that the Shack was having a soft opening. Never have I been led to such dizzying heights of excitement so quickly only to fall into the depths of despair and some meh dumplings from Rickshaw Dumpling Bar.