5.07.2007

candid cameraphone: ride the pony

it's rare that anything less than pure sartorial napalm can snap me out of the vaguely neurotic, vaguely self-satisfied reverie that accompanies my street-wandering. "what would happen if i owned a restaurant?" i will think to myself. and then i will have this really wonderful unfolding design of menu planning, table placement, the various (in)efficiencies of reservation systems and seating times and oooh maybe brightly colored melamine flatware? and then suddenly the thoughts will take a sharp veer towards unpleasant reality and i will forget all about how pretty it would be to serve a salad inside a bowl-shaped parmesan crisp and instead start worrying about where on earth i could find illegal immigrants to work as dishwashers and whether i will be extorted by the DOH and whether it would be worse to be given a horrible review by the Times or - horrors! - to not be reviewed at all.

anyway. yesterday i was walking through soho and right about the corner of Prince and Mercer was thrust out of the tablecloths-vs-lacquer part of the furniture planning and directly into the face of, hello earnest aging folk singer, or possibly viagra-dependent eurotrash (resident, perhaps, of a europoubelle?) complete avec eastern european trophy girlfriend, a man-ponytail:


not only that, but the bearer of said aged, white, flaccid ponytail had this truly unsettling sprinkle of white powdery dandruff all along the back of his navy suit jacket. which, i couldn't help but notice, had the pinstripes of the arm fabric perfectly aligned with the pinstripes of the shoulder fabric. and whose high-collared shirt was set off by a particularly luxe-looking cravat. an actual, honest-to-goodness cravat. not a tie. and then i realized that the dandruff was not dandruff, it was powder, and the ponytail was not a ponytail, it was the ponytail, because oh my goodness monsieur walks-too-slowly-on-Prince-street was in fact Karl Lagerfeld, and i was in fact an idiot.



while mr. lagerfeld graciously wound his way through the field of swooning fashionistas, i briefly considered trying to nonchalantly-yet-glamorously saunter into his field of vision, thus naturally causing him to come to a sudden halt, stunned by my unconventional beauty* and determined to make me his muse. but upon reflection i think this an activity I will hold off on undertaking until i have shed 40% of my body weight, or am drunk. whichever comes first.]

*if by "unconventional beauty" we mean "wearing a sunday-afternoon outfit that might or might not clearly belie the fact that i spent the night at my boyfriend's without having planned to, and not yet having made it home to shower."

4 comments:

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