5.03.2007

spring cleaning

i have this thing that i am just this moment deciding to call "internal blog mode." it happens when i am walking or standing or sitting around, and something happens that i think i might want to write about on here. i'll make up a killer opening sentence in my head, think of all the uber-high-traffic sites that will randomly pick up the link and make me famous, and then i'll plunge into some sort of web 2.0 shame spiral about how freaking horribly lame this idea for a post really was, and how i am feeding into every cliche about a blog ever.

the unfortunate thing, of course, is that this very post (the "i have no idea what to write about, so i'll tell you about it" post) is a cliche. as is the "i'm calling attention to it in order to diffuse it" aspect.

in thinking about that, i thought it could be one-time awesome to stumble upon a metablog (something like this would be great to read, but heck no do i want to write it myself) that is, like, the world's most painfully sterotypical blog ever.

tuesday
so it looks like i've started a blog. i'll use this space to muse on all sorts of things - books, music, culture, my random thoughts on life. maybe i'll be funny! here goes nothing...
ed: i have started pretty much all my blogs ever this way. i bet you have too.

wednesday
[ambitious headline implying that this post will be a regular feature]
[content, boring]
this feature will appear 4.5 more times: 2 right on schedule, 1 a week late, 1 three weeks late. the .5 is the apology post for not having posted in the feature more regularly.

the following monday
i read an article! here is another blog i like: []. here is what i'm doing this weekend. i have a love life!
you get the idea

anyway this is all an incredibly roundabout way of saying that when i was in the shower this morning, i was reading the instructions on my dove energy glow body wash (i like my toiletries to sound like sci-fi defense technology) and was surprised to note that at no point in the instructions did they tell the consumer to apply the soap to the body. basically it ran like this: "squeeze some body wash onto a pouf or washcloth. create lather."

on a certain level i suppose that they could have implied you to create the lather by moving the pouf or washcloth across your body. but for me (and it is important, of course, that you know my shower habits), i like to create lather ahead of time by squishing the body wash around in the pouf or washcloth. this is in large part because i irrationally believe that if i wait to use my body as Part B in lather-creation (Part A being the body wash-laden pouf or washcloth in the first place), then the majority of the unlathered viscous soap-liquid will be deposited onto the first place i apply the pouf or washcloth, thus defeating the purpose of evenly cleaning every part of my body.

so then i thought i should write a blog post about those incomplete directions. and then i was sort of horrified that i had that thought. but you know what? i did. and i stand by my decision, and i'm proud of myself.

3 comments:

RW said...

Well... maybe you should see what happens when you follow the directions as they are. Squeeze it out, lather up the applicator of your choice, and let it sit there. How do you know something wonderful doesn't happen!?

Sigh. Young people these days...

Marcin said...

This post sucked. Get a life, and a notebook like I have. When I was in NYC, the day that I met you, I bought a notebook so I could write ideas down. I have more ideas than I have time to blog about, though.

Liz said...

Hmm. I can't tell if that's better or worse than the text you'd find on my body wash - Dr. Bronner's Almond Hemp Magic Soap, naturally - which appear to have been written by an individual who was on drugs:

"Einstein, 1939, after Nazis & Commies united, proposed spacebombs that destroy all, unless we finally teach the Moral ABC's the real Rabbi Hillel taught Jesus to unite all in All-One-God-Faith. As teach astronomers Abraham - Israel - Moses - Buddha - Hillel - Jesus - Spinoza - Paine - Sagan & Mohammed, inspired every 76 years, 6000 years by the Messenger of God's Law, the sign of the Messiah, Halley's Comet: "WE'RE ALL ONE OR NONE!" "THERE IS NO GOD BUT GOD!" "TEACH LOVE THY ENEMY!" "LISTEN CHILDREN ETERNAL FATHER ETERNALLY ONE!" Israel-Moses-Buddha-Jesus-Mohammed: ONE! ALL ONE!"

This is but a small example of the vast insanity that is the Moral ABC. Oh well. Philosophy in the shower? I can handle it.