minnesota: land of fantasy

i am a pretty big fan of my boyfriend, but once upon a time i dated a guy from minnesota, and one of the foundations of my attraction to him was a photo of him at the minnesota state fair holding a giant bratwurst. that's not a euphemism. i just seriously like sausage. that's not a euphemism either.

it turns out the minnesota state fair is a strange and, above all, wonderful thing. i am not making up any of the following fair attractions:

  • food on sticks
    including the standard hotdogesque objects, but also things you would not expect to see in on-a-stick form, such as meatball-and-tatertot-casserole, aka Hotdish, which is served with a cream of mushroom soup dipping sauce, aka Lutheran Binder. also pastrami and cream cheese wrapped around a pickle spear. on a stick.

  • the crowning of a fair queen
    is she called Miss Minnesota? no. is she called Miss State Fair? no. She is called Princess Kay of the Milky Way and is required by the rules of the competition to be a dairy farmer’s daughter, an employee of a dairy farm, or the daughter of a dairy farm employee. she then has her likeness carved in butter, and the butter sculpture is displayed at the fair on a rotating platform.

  • an all-you-can-drink milk stand
    which costs $1. one.

  • a carnival-style sideshow
    featuring Poobah, the fire-eating pygmy, billed as the youngest munchkin to appear in The Wizard Of Oz.

  • live stingrays

the question, of course, is why on god's green earth did we all not attend this wonderful thing? i am not kidding that next year i am going to be there, come hell or high water. and also that cream of mushroom soup is dead to me. there is only Lutheran Binder.


Andy said...

Can I go with you next year?

bots! said...

welcome to my homeland: land of the awesome.

I will go with you and guide you. You've never seen so much free shit being given away either.

helen said...

andy: yes.

bots!: YES.

Anonymous said...

What about the butter sculpture?

Anonymous said...

When I attended the University of Wisconsin-Madison, my anatomy professor (who is a true Minnesotan) spent 20 minutes of one of our 50 minute lectures telling us about the grandiosity of the Minnesota State Fair and all of its amazing attractions. Complete with powerpoint slides and video.