Behold, the solution to all my "I will die if I have to wear my hair down, but a ponytail is too sporty-casual" dilemmas (which, shut up, happen way more often than I care to admit, and then go totally unresolved):
GUYS. A SIDE TOPSY-TAIL. Not even kidding. It's brilliant. I'm going to wear it tomorrow.
(No, the photo is not me. It's a model from RueLala.)